38. Funniest Baseball Quotes

"I never took the game home with me. I always left it at some bar."
--BOB LEMON

"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base."
--DAVE BARRY

"Bob Gibson is the luckiest pitcher I ever saw. He always pitches when the other team doesn't score any runs."
--TIM McCARVER

"Alan Sutton Sotheron pitched his initials off today."
--ANONYMOUS

"The way to catch a knuckleball is to wait until the ball stops rolling and then to pick it up."
--BOB UECKER

"A man once told me to walk with the Lord. I'd rather walk with the bases loaded."
--KEN SINGLETON

"Slump? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't hitting."
--YOGI BERRA

"All I remember about my wedding day in 1967 is that the Cubs lost a doubleheader."
--GEORGE WILL

"For the parents of a Little Leaguer, a baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into innings."

--EARL WILSON

"I hated to bat against Drysdale. After he hit you he'd come around, look at the bruise on your arm and say, 'Do you want me to sign it?'"

--MICKEY MANTLE

"Sandy [Koufax]’s fastball was so fast, some batters would start to swing as he was on his way to the mound."

-- JIM MURRAY

"Good pitching always stops good hitting and vice versa."

--BOB VEALE (also attributed to Yogi Berra)

"Washington: first in war, first in peace, and last in the American League."

--CHARLES DRYDEN

"If it comes down to taking care of my mother in her old age and taking care of my centerfielder in his young age, I hope she understands."

--JEFF SMULYAN

"I watch a lot of baseball on the radio."

--PRES. GERALD FORD

"Baseball hasn't forgotten me. I go to a lot of old-timers games and I haven't lost a thing. I sit in the bullpen and let people throw things at me. Just like old times."

--BOB UECKER
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"If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like."

--PHYLLIS DILLER

"We know we're better than this, but we can't prove it."
--TONY GWYNN

"There are two theories on hitting the knuckleball. Unfortunately, neither one of them works."
--CHARLIE LAU